Why setting clear objectives is the first step in divorce & separation mediation

When you enter into divorce or separation mediation, the most powerful thing you can do is define what truly matters to you. At Fairway Divorce Solutions, we’ve seen how this one step—setting clear, personal objectives—can shape the entire experience.

Without a destination, even the most well-meaning steps can lead you off course. Divorce and separation often feel disorienting when the end goal is unclear. Before you worry about parenting arrangements or asset division and other details of the divorce process, start with one question: What do I want my life to look like when this is over?

Your painted picture: the power of clarity

At Fairway, our mediation services guide you to create your “painted picture”—a personalized vision of the life you want to build after your relationship with your spouse ends. It’s not about being idealistic; it’s about anchoring your divorce process in purpose.

In our Optimum Outcome meeting, each client defines what matters most: hopes, fears, goals, and boundaries. We return to this vision throughout the divorce mediation process—especially during difficult moments—because it keeps the mediation process focused and grounded.

Even when spouses have very different ideas of what their futures should look like, a painted picture helps identify shared values and clarify what’s truly non-negotiable. It allows both parties to tackle any issue or dispute with a clear head and with their bigger objectives in mind.

Why Setting Objectives in Separation Mediation Builds Momentum

Not every separating couple starts the divorce mediation process on the same page. In fact, most don’t—and that’s okay. But when each person has taken time to clarify their values and long-term needs, productive negotiation and a collaborative divorce become possible.

Fairway’s approach is not about forcing compromise or aiming for a vague “middle ground.” Instead, we help both people articulate what really matters, then look for ways to build a solution that supports those priorities.

Many people enter mediation feeling overwhelmed or afraid. That fear can lead to defensive positions or unrealistic demands during a dispute. But when you understand your own values—and where you’re willing to be flexible—you negotiate from a place of calm and confidence, not panic. This makes it much easier to reach an agreement that works for both parties.

Parenting Priorities: Leading with Your Children’s Best Interests

Parenting is one of the most emotional and complex parts of separation. We often meet parents who have very different assumptions about child custody, parenting arrangements,  or schedules—sometimes shaped by habits from the marriage or by personal fears.

That’s why we always return to your values, not your assumptions. What do you believe is best for your children’s stability, happiness, and long-term growth?

Using our Nurtured Children Plan™, we help you move beyond fear-based choices and toward a child custody and parenting plan built with intention. You’ll consider school routines, holidays, transitions between homes, communication methods—and everything in between.

Over and over, we’ve seen how this process replaces stress with structure. It doesn’t erase emotion—but it empowers you to act with clarity and purpose.

Financial objectives: facts first, fear later

When it comes to money, clarity is everything. Instead of immediately deciding who gets what, we begin with a comprehensive financial overview, including assets, debts, incomes, and future needs.

This full “financial pie” forms the basis for realistic, informed decisions. Only then do we help you explore goals like keeping the home, dividing investments, or planning for retirement.

The key is detaching from rigid wishlists and focusing on an agreement that fosters long-term stability. Some clients initially fear they’ll “lose everything”—but when they see the numbers clearly, and understand their true financial priorities, that fear often dissolves.

Objectives keep you grounded—even when emotions rise

Mediation isn’t a straight line. There will be moments when you feel frustrated, stuck, or unsure of what to do next. That’s when your objectives matter most.

If a proposal on the table feels off, take a step back. Breathe. Reconnect with your painted picture. Does this move you closer to the life you want—or farther from it?

By defining your must-haves and your flexible areas early on, you reduce the chance of conflict later. You also avoid the trap of making decisions purely to “win” or to react emotionally. Instead, you stay focused on what actually matters.

Why emotional support matters—and where to find it

During divorce proceedings, emotions often come in waves. And while friends and family can provide comfort, you also need people who will help you think clearly and act wisely.

Surround yourself with people who support your growth, not just your anger. You need calm, honest input from people who care about your children, your finances, and your future.

At Fairway Divorce Solutions, you will work with a mediator that is  trained to offer exactly that: calm guidance, financial insight, and practical advice that keeps you on track, no matter what emotions arise.

What happens if you skip this step?

When you don’t define your objectives, the risk is real:

• Conversations drift into conflict

• Decisions feel reactive, not thoughtful

• Outcomes may serve neither person, and hurt the kids in the process

That’s why we created the Independently Negotiated Resolution™ process. With more than 7,000 families served and a 95% success rate, we guide clients to a resolution in 120 days or less—all at a fixed, flat fee.

We don’t believe in win-lose scenarios. Lawyer-led divorce often ends that way. Mediation, done right, offers a different path: one where both parties feel heard, supported, and prepared for what’s next.

The first step: define your painted picture

You don’t need every answer today. But you do need a direction.

Ask yourself: What does a good outcome look like for me?
Not a perfect one—but one rooted in your values, your goals, and your reality.

Let that vision guide you. Let it be your foundation. Because mediation works best when it’s focused. When it’s fair. And when it begins with a clear sense of purpose.

Frequently asked questions

What’s the difference between divorce mediation and separation mediation?

Divorce mediation is used when legally married couples separate. Separation mediation applies to any long-term partners ending a relationship, whether married or not. Our mediation services are prepared to help you through either process.

What is a painted picture?

It’s your personal vision of what your life will look like post-divorce or separation. It includes financial stability, parenting goals, and your own emotional wellbeing. Having a clear objective makes divorce proceedings less overwhelming, and allows you to enter each mediation session with purpose and a clear head.

Can my spouse and I start mediation if we don’t agree on anything?

Absolutely. Most couples begin with very different views. Fairway mediators are skilled at helping each person define their goals and find common ground during our mediation sessions.

How does Fairway support parents during mediation?

We use the Nurtured Children Plan™ to guide all parenting discussions. This ensures that decisions prioritize your children while respecting each parent’s role.

What if my finances are complicated or unclear?

Fairway’s Certified Divorce Financial Analysts and Chartered Financial Divorce Specialists are well equipped to help you understand your full financial picture—so you can make confident, informed decisions.